En Route to the Bunker

With our departure fast approaching, we figured it would be appropriate to reveal the secret route to the Team Canada training bunker. While endangering our own safety, we recognize the urgent need for information. Please read the following post cautiously... the Irish could be right over your shoulder.


Step One: Penetrate the security perimeter. Official entrances do not exist; such unnecessary infrastructure would only serve to reveal our location to the Australians. Climbing the four-meter fence assists in developing the bicep muscles necessary for the countless points-of-information to be exchanged in the following ten hours. Endurance is key.




Step Two: Proceed along the first path you see. This may or may not take you in the right direction, it really depends on where the first path you see leads. A true Canadian would know the way. Avoid leaving any trail to ensure you can't be tracked. DO NOT chase the geese. Even if they are looking at you.






Step Three: cross any rivers, streams, gorges, thickets, or oceans you may come across. (Bridges not provided). Ensure that no team members are left behind. Even the little ones that may be difficult to spot.







Step Four: climb through the hills, dodging the thorns and branches, in an upward direction. Whenever possible, photograph the journey; you never know when they'll come in handy for an overly hyperbolic blog post. Again, ensure no members are lost. It's hard enough for four people to eat all that pastry.



Step Five: climb through a forest as you ascend the hill towards the Team Canada Bunker. Once again, remaining alive remains a key priority. One false step and you'll be falling faster than the GDP of Latin America following the adoption of Import Substitution Industrialization. Remember: those pastries won't eat themselves.




Step Six: arrive at the bunker. DO NOT turn on any lights... it really ruins the effect. Discussion and debate occur behind locked and bolted doors. Windows remain shut in fear of exposing our secret tactics. Photography is strictly limited beyond the use of officially sanctioned cameras.






Step Seven: pack up for the night. Ensure to take all secret documents and keep them under close surveillance at all times. Doors are locked and windows bolted shut. Shower, sleep, eat and repeat. One more day before Team Canada is set to take Korea by storm.